you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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