My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
