Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
