I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
