It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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