I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
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I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
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For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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