I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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