When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
