So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
