his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
