Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
