Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
