Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
we're making bets on your personal life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
