I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
