you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
