You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
