I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
