D3 body, D1 cock
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
