Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
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i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My breath smells like gin and sadness
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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