Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
