im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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