Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Less talking, more tequila
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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