at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You're like the curious george of whores
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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