For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
