I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
