so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize