if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
