ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
