hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
wow bdsm is so cute
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
