Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
two words...techno handjob
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
