his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
