Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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