4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize