Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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