they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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