you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
