I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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