i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
