And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I accidentally had phone sex last night
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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