You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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