Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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