so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize