Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
