I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
