be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
