PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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