At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
