went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
