if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize