There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
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We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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