you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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