that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
