I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
