My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
