The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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