I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
