I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
