C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize