margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
