Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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