I want to have your abortion
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize