I met the friendliest cop last night
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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